


Death

by JulesHawke



Series: N7 month [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Character Death, Death, F/M, Gen, Grieving, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-13 21:25:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16480031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulesHawke/pseuds/JulesHawke
Summary: Shepard's death affected everyone, but no-one more than Kaidan Alenko. Set after the destruction of the Normandy.





	Death

**Author's Note:**

> Having a go at the N7 month prompts over on tumblr so thought I'd post here as a series. Not sure how many there will be but this is a start.

Death. It affected everyone, especially when the person was a hero, an icon to be followed and worshipped. It showed on the faces of the Normandy crew, heads bowed, eyes red rimmed or dark from lack of sleep, pale lips and ashen skin. They all felt it, that hole in the universe, dark where it had once been light.

It spread outward in ever increasing circles, like a dart board, the further out the circle the less you were worth. The Normandy crew held pride of place, the smallest circle around the centre, but the most affected by the loss. Around them those who thought they belonged close when all they’d done was use their authority to command. The Council, the Alliance brass, believing they had the right to speak of someone they never really knew.

Beyond them were people who probably deserved to be closer, people who had at least spent time on the same ship, in the same port or base, worked with or helped in some way. People who had done more than just shake a hand or give orders. Further out still stood people who only knew the name, who had come to watch, to say they were there. And of course, the worshippers, fans who cried for the death of fantasy, a hero they could never hope to match.

And around them all, the media, jostling for that perfect picture, the all-important interview from those that didn’t matter. The ones that did had no interest in their useless questions. The Normandy crew ignored their constant barrage of ‘How well did you know the Commander?’, ‘What was it like on the Normandy?’, ‘How did it feel to see the ship destroyed?’ In the end they gave up and spent their time with anyone who would speak to them.

Subdued voices spoke of things they’d heard about, stories others had told as they drank to the memory of someone they never met. Cameras flashed, reporters gave their audience cold facts of the event, of how a soldier became a hero and how a memorial statue would be built to honour their sacrifice.

Shepard would hate it.

But the bullseye – that was Kaidan Alenko, struggling to be the perfect soldier so no-one knew the truth. He stood alone, because to Kaidan Alenko Death was something else entirely. It was an end, to something just beginning, a hole in his heart where that chance had been snatched away. He would always remember the smile that made his pulse race, the eyes that shone in amusement when he blushed or became flustered, the unquestionable trust of a life placed in his hands both in battle and in the quiet moments in between. Moments he treasured because they were all that remained.

Death was a thief, stealing his chance at a love that he had thought would last a lifetime. His fleeting grasp of happiness ripped from his fingertips as Death laughed in their faces. But he would welcome it now, willingly rush to meet Death if it meant he never had to dream about what could have been. If it meant he would meet his love on the other side he would stand with arms wide open as Death took him.

Shepard would be disappointed in him.

He hated Death, wanted to rage and scream at it, desperate to know why it took the one person he had ever loved, why the ache in his chest slowly ate him away from the inside, why when he thought he had no more tears to cry they still came. He wanted to know why he had to go on alone. Because that’s what he would do, go on, finish the fight Shepard started and if he met Death along the way, so be it.

The warmth in his heart had gone, turned to ice. The hope of a bright future now faded into shadow. His sanity sat on a razor’s edge as he fought with despair that he’d been burying in a bottle.

Shepard would definitely be disappointed in him.

So he would pull himself together, be the soldier, go on, for Shepard. Until it was his time and he met the one thing no-one, not even Shepard, could escape. Death. 


End file.
